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I haven't even been able to hold onto my innocents. . . or even my self-worth. My life has consisted of the streets, one bad foster home after another mixed in with whole bunch of drugs. Though my mother started healing she is getting sick again I don't know if how long she can keep going. I'm being taken out of the foster home I live in now, I showed my social worker and youth worker pictures of my frigde and cupboards and showed them my transaction record. Needless to day there wasn't any food in the house for weeks. . .I ended up searching through a grabage can for food. I hate that I did that I feel disgusting. On a lighter note i'm getting straight A's; i'm trying to hold on to that because it's the only thing that seems to be consistent and stable right now. So even though things are down i'm doing well.
I'm feeling:
angry angry
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I used to hate your dumb ass comments, but now I would kill to hear you say one. I cared about you more than you knew. I miss you.
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Why is that that when ever I need you, you're not around.
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Are you avoiding me? or is this just another dilution caused by P.M.S.
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BOYS HAVE A PENIS, GIRLS HAVE A VAGINA AND LARRY HAVE M&M's!
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So last night, I got up to go get something to eat when I got a sharp pain in my chest. . .Then my left arm went numb and I got really dizzy, I thought I was going to pass out. I'm not sure if I should be worried or not because worrying might have been what caused it in the first place. Hmmm what do you guys think?
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Nobody truly knows what i'm going through except you. . .and you're not here. I wish I could speak to you, let you know whats going on. You're the only one I completely trust, the only one who understands. You're on the bus to campbell river right now, I know you need this. So when you call I'll say i'm fine, you don't have to know all the details just yet. It's so hard to just be normal in front of people, allot of them think they know what going on; but really they haven't got a clue. . .I feel like i'm falling apart, but all i'm worried about is you. Were are you? are you board? and you sain? What are you thinking?, are you worried? I hope you brought a book or some paper, because the bus ride is a long one. I wonder if you're thinking of me, because i'm thinking of you. I know i'm a little screwed up, and I know i'm not the greatest person in the world. Even though you seem to think I am. I just wish you were here because I really need you right now.
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Happy Christmas everyone!<3
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I'm tired of feeling dirty, no matter how many times I shower or brush my teeth, no matter how hard I scrub myself with disinfectant it wont go away. I don't believe it ever will, I know it's all in may head. Perhaps my brain needs a good wash. My thoughts are unclean and full of anger. Can't sleep, Can't eat. Sometimes it's just so hard to be normal in front of people. So hard to just keep it together. The other day I went to drama and placed my chair down, then proceeded to go get something from my bag. When I came back some guy had sat beside me. When I sat down he gave me a glare, got up, got another chair (as if I had somehow infected the chair he was sitting it) and then sat somewhere else. So my question is, am I really that repulsive?
I'm feeling:
melancholy melancholy
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I'm in allot of pain right now, Just got out of the hospital. I had 3 really bad seizures and was rushed to emergency, they kept me over night for observation. I'm definitely not going to school today, I tore some cartilage in my ribs and dislocated my knee cap, my muscles hurt and i'm absolutely exhausted. turns out I might have more than one type of seizure. So hopefully we can get to the bottom of this soon.
I'm feeling:
drained drained
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